I’ve been away from blogging now for about a month, as life gave me a few lemons to deal with. Now I’ve got time to talk to you about how I dealt with those lemons and to give you some ways of dealing with yours. I would like to note I like lemons A LOT and this feels like a harsh attack on lemons. They give us lemonade, for goodness sake! ANYWAYYYYY…
There’s this unrealistic perception within society that circulates in local groups and filters into much larger groups, whereby we all perceive those that we don’t know very well or indeed, at all, to be much more happy than we are. There’s a voice that we create and use to talk to ourselves. We use it to tell ourselves how others seem SO much happier and seem to be getting what/where they want SO much quicker than us. We’re running off jealousy, rather than supporting some-one. It’s almost like we’re training ourselves to become more than what some-one else is, rather than focusing on becoming more of what we are. You don’t cook a chicken dinner, and wonder why some-one else’s beef dinner tastes better and directly compare them do you? (my analogies could use some improvement). We are all made of different stuff. And that stuff, can make us make different choices and feel completely differently. One thing is generally the same. We all get lemons, and we all feel like sh**.
As life happens and throws you a sh** ton of lemons, your mental health, and thus happiness, is bound to be affected but sometimes we won’t know how until much later. There’s a clear result that you will in no way you’ll remain the same person, with the same perspective. Yet, we usually want nothing to change in ourselves, we hope that things can “go back to normal”, which is expected, because “normal” doesn’t feel scary.
But what is “normal” changes minutely everyday, even if our surroundings or behaviours don’t seem to, and we should instead be looking at getting to a “new happy place”.
That sounds like I’m referring to a drug of some kind. DO NOT DO DRUGS, KIDS.
We may live in the same house, with the same people, doing the same things, wearing the same things. But we may feel entirely differently to how we ever did before when we’re experiencing, or have experienced, a traumatic/highly stressful situation. And this takes affect. Pain leaves scars, but they don’t have to be debilitating scars that sit like the devil on your shoulder. They can be scars that you become self-aware of, engage with and deal with appropriately and healthily. Here’s some ways that I have coped with the lemons:
I know. Sounds boring. Sounds like you’ll have to sit there and focus on your thoughts when you’d much rather be eating or going out. But it’s honestly SO helpful. Self-reflection can be just writing down some of your thoughts or it can be looking at what is happening in your life right now and being honest with yourself about how you feel.
This dude is the most important thing for good mental health for me. I’m a highly self-aware person but when I get lemons, I become cloudy and it makes my mind struggle to see where I am and what I need to do next. So I write, much like what you’re reading right now. If you’re not particularly self-aware or you’d like to be more self-aware, I’d say it’s a long road of training yourself to hear your thoughts, see your behaviour and reflecting on how you feel about it. It’s also good to train yourself to think about your words before you say them, as your words reflect who you are and you want to be the best version of yourself.
Spend time with those you love — doing simple things
Life can get overwhelming very quickly when you’ve been handed a lot of lemons. The best way to ground your mind is to find the enjoyment in simple tasks again. I do this by going for a quiet coffee with family/friends. Taking a walk with my partner. Something that doesn’t require much social energy and is entirely a positive experience for you. This probably isn’t the time to go to a new large social situation with people that you don’t know very well. Or the time to plan lots of big events which can drain your energy quickly. I love going for a breakfast with my closest to feel good after a draining time.
HP sauce always. If you want the cake, get the cake. Relax and enjoy!
Find your new happy
Being happy can be the aim for many people. We’re sold the idea that happiness comes with things or with money, or with being in love. Happiness does NOT come from those things unless those things bring you happiness. Happiness is not sitting with money or with things and waiting for you to find it. Happiness is what happens when you come into contact with anything you experience positively in life. My point is, it’s not something you can chase. It’s something that you feel when you’re making the right choices for yourself at the time. For example, my happy used to be lots and lots of friends. Surrounded by people, whatever they brought to my life. I was always used to being in a group, coming from a big family and always having a group of friends, but something changed. My happiness was not found in those places anymore. I didn’t chase happiness in the same places that I’d lost it, I found new places, where I felt who I was was respected and loved for whatever I was.
The biggest piece of advice I can give when life gives you lemons, is to make lemonade. Maybe literally, nothing wrong with that as a hobby! But maybe more realistically:
Be present with your emotions. Keep Positive. Be like Monkey, below:
Leave a comment — I’d love to see how others deal with their lemons! Am xXx