I have separated a few moments and disguised those I don’t feel

reflect the best parts of me.

I have sat on the bottom of a pit and let the light flood around

me not moving to dance with it.

I have kept secret words in my mouth, and pushed them

to the back.

I have laughed along with those who do not see

any of this any of me.

I have forgiven the actions when they seem so sad

just to define me.

I have kept reactions in a small box and taped them up with bows

so they look more like me.

I have scratched the surface of my thoughts with a spoon,

as I can’t bear to hear them.

I have been present in places that I felt were safe so I didn’t have to work to hear them.

But most of all,

I have accepted,

Behaviours and words

describing me,

As part of me, and most of me, and almost all of me,

To satisfy the seeking of me before it is replaced by an apology

One I can’t sustain, or name, or detain

As anything other than a game I play. With myself

And all of you, if I were to be the one of a few

Of myself that I created to dance in the pit with you all

So I wouldn’t easily fall and pull some of you down

The ones that want to drown, a little bit with me, because then it’s easy

And we all wouldn’t have to take much responsibility.

And nobody would be able to see,

Who I really am, if I am not being me.

I also write poetry – if you’d like more like this let me know 🙂
Am x


  1. November 1, 2017 / 5:45 pm

    Wow, great poem. I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the blogger recognition award You can check it out if you want to!

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