Self-confidence looks amazing, right? Why can it be so hard to achieve? We really need to question how we feel about ourselves and why.
To feel as though somebody doesn’t like or agree with what we’re doing can be debilitating if you have low-self esteem or are feeling vulnerable. We are built by our approval network, sitting around us in the form of our parents, and other close attachments. We’re used to seeking approval. That’s how we understand the world and know that we’re doing OK. From day one, we’ve done things and our parents have showed us approval or disapproval in one way or another. It’s no surprise that when we enter into society as young adults, this is still a part of our experience. If not part, most of it. If we’re not feeling that everything is OK or that we’re doing OK, we’ll keep looking for approval, and we’ll still keep giving a fuck about what others say. This can cause real self-confidence issues, as your feelings about yourself are being dictated by the random and often obscure thoughts of other people.
How do I get past that?
Get passionate about what you want in life.
Whatever it is that you feel you want but you are struggling to find the self-confidence to obtain, is sitting behind your feelings. It’s sat there waiting for you to take control of how you feel about yourself. It’s not waiting for any-one else, it’s waiting for you. Take control, take action, take a lesson.
Find approval in yourself.
You want to wear that short skirt but feel it’s going to be judged? Let them, it doesn’t matter. Let it go. You want to go for that job but you feel like it’s out of your ability and people will laugh at you for going for it? GO FOR IT. If people are laughing, they’re jealous. Jealous of your confidence, jealous of your ability to believe in yourself and jealous of you not giving a crap what they say! You absolutely cannot control other peoples ideas or thoughts about you and why would you want to? If somebody is being negative about you…
When somebody is being negative about you, it’s ALL about them.
ALL of it. Not one inch is about you. How do I know? Because if it was really about you, you’d be having a conversation with them about it, and they’d be showing you respect by making the effort to discuss it with you. They aren’t showing you respect by being negative about you, are they? They’re throwing their negativity around like shit-sprinkles, not concerned who it harms — put up your umbrella & get the hell away…
Obvious, right? Nope, not so obvious. We seek the approval so naturally that instead of choosing to remove ourselves and love ourselves enough to steer clear of somebody, we tend to believe our sense of self is reliant on what somebody else may think or believe about us. So we try and amend our behaviour to fit their expectations. Maybe somebody said you were too loud, so you have chosen instead to be quieter. Why? Because you’ll be approved then, you’ll be accepted. I think I spent some time doing this in my younger years in school, listening to others and how they thought I should be rather than how I wanted to be. It’s taken quite some time for me to see that in myself and challenge it.
Talk to yourself, everyday
The discourse that we have with ourselves is so important. Although often, we aren’t aware of how we speak to ourselves in our minds. We don’t realise that we’re calling ourselves stupid if we don’t understand something the first time, we don’t allow ourselves time to learn. We work hard at something and don’t get the results we want so we tell ourselves we’re rubbish & there’s no point doing it. Maybe you don’t feel as though you deserve a promotion in work because you haven’t got the skills as those around you have, rather than seeing what you could bring to the table. It’s vital to talk to ourselves positively, and be our own best friend. but that starts with the awareness of what we are actually saying to ourselves. Listen to your thoughts, become aware of them and start to see how you’re talking to yourself. Once you have that, you can challenge yourself. You can tell yourself that you’re good enough to go for the promotion, or that you’re beginning and it will take time if you invest your mind. Telling ourselves things over and over again will enable us to believe them. Use that positively.
Believe that you’re a damn bad-ass bitch.
I’m very much into saying this whenever I can. I absolutely see people who wish to succeed, or improve in their professional environment and what holds them back is the notion that they aren’t good enough, they don’t know as much as the next person. Yet every other person doing the same thing seems to manage to feel like that and do it anyway. What makes them do it — what makes them able to push through self-doubt?
“I can do this. If I fail, I’ll get back up. I’ll keep getting back up until I get where I want to be.”
Be OK with failing. Be OK with making mistakes. Be OK with being human.
My personal experience
I feared creating a blog, that wasn’t primarily about beauty or fashion. Who would want to read that, I thought. Who would care what I said? But I did it anyway. I started it. Just starting something can feel so empowering. It doesn’t matter if nobody wants to read it, I’m doing this for me and that’s enough.
Hope this is somewhat helpful. Am xXx